his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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