He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
did i just pee glitter
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
