Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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