billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
