Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
