you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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