can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
