I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
