fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
