i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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