She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
