wanna go halves on a baby?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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