fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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