what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
