i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
