It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
