Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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