My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
