One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
