I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
