Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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