I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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