return my video game
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
