Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Come see our sink grown plant.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize