The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
