you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
