he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
