So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
His hands were made for my vagina.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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