Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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