Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You ruined the universe
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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