so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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