i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
