I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
