Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
