we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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