im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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