you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
