..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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