he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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