Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
