its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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