there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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