Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
