State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
