I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
