so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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