I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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