if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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