sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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