Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
