You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
