if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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