i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Lo siento on account of my penis...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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