I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize