If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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