I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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