how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
