My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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