I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My bed smells like the plague
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
