my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
