I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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