I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
