Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize