she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
