Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
