I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
