Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
