Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
