Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
