i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
